Do You Wear Perfume for Yourself — or Others?

I have a feeling that the answers perfumistas give me are going to differ from your average perfume-wearer, and will probably fall somewhere between the self/other extreme I've offered up here. I was inspired to ask the question because I realized that my perfume-wearing habits have changed since I began to collect and think about perfume as a connoisseur a few years ago.

First of all, I don't often wear perfume. Strange to say it, but it's become an almost private experience for me. Before I began collecting vintage perfume, my perfume tastes were pretty conventional. I wore Gucci Rush, Angel, Poison, Black Orchid, Bulgari Au Parfumée Au Thé Vert and the odd and little talked about Bulagari Au Parfumée Au Thé Rouge.

I chose a new perfume every few years or so. (Really hard to imagine now, when a day hardly goes by when I don't get something aromatic in the mail.) And like most people, perfumista or not, I wore perfume so that I would smell good to others. Of course I enjoyed them immensely, too...

But now, I wear perfume to experience it, to attempt to figure out what I think about it, to express what it makes me feel. Perfume as solipsism, in a way.

And because I don't have to love a scent to wear it, admire it, take it seriously, and give it consideration, this means that I may sit for a while redolent of a scent I wouldn't be caught dead wearing in public, mostly because it's not my style, but sometimes, because it would annoy the people around me.

Usually, I'll put something on and sit with it for a long time. That could be hours, as I experience it develop and dry down, making its journey from top notes to base notes and every snaking, nonlinear, shape-shifting form in between. Sometimes, I put it away and it might take days — or years —  to figure out what I think/feel about it.

This kind of perfume navel-gazing looks odd in public, too, which certainly hasn't stopped me from doing it. I prefer, however, to loll about like an addict in an opium den, supine on my couch or bed, inhaling, huffing, holding in the scent the way your average stoner holds in smoke, staring up at the ceiling in a reverie.

Perfume's a wonderful, legal intoxicant.

Should I have these two levels of perfume-wearing, though, one public, one private? Is it outdated to wear only perfumes that you think will please others? Should I start wearing more of the stinkier, easily misunderstood fragrances that smell like armpits, oft-worn undergarments and rutting animals, taking the risk more often that someone will tell me that I smell like a hamster cage or an old lady? (Both things I've heard.)

We're past that in fashion. Take the fashion blog The Man Repeller. Its writer takes seriously the idea that some women dress for themselves and other women — and not necessarily to reel in the dudes. (In fact, as her name humorously proclaims, she's into fashion that is proudly dude-unfriendly.) A lot of us who love perfume are already kind of doing that, wearing perfume like Muscs Kublai Khan, ouds, or "old lady" vintage perfumes nonconnoisseurs may not appreciate. (And please, dudes who are reading this, pardon the female-centricity of the question. This applies to you, too!)

I'm sure you all have a lot to say. I want to hear it! (Please note — I'm so happy that this post has gotten lots of comments. To read all of them, be sure to click on "Next" when you get to the bottom of the page.)

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Comments

[Beauty and the Scientist]

I wear it solely for my own pleasure and if someone happens to like it, that's a bonus.

[50_Roses]

As a lifelong perfumista, I wear perfume primarily for myself, because I enjoy smelling it throughout the day. Other people do come into consideration, but only to the extent that I try not to overdo it and choke anyone with my sillage. I don't really care whether anyone else can smell me, and I don't want to encourage the anti-perfume movement by giving another reason to hate perfume. The ideal for me is to use enough that I can smell it and enjoy it, but not so much that anyone else can easily notice it. I did play around with the idea of using perfume to attract a man when I was in high school and college, but I found that it didn't work. Even then, I wouldn't wear a perfume that I didn't personally like. I do think my point of view is influenced by the fact that I have no children. I have heard many stories of people recalling their perfume memories of their mothers and grandmothers. If I had children or grandchildren I would probably be influenced in my perfume wearing habits by a wish to smell good for them. As it is, I have a husband who is somewhat anosmic to perfume, so it doesn't matter much to him what I wear.

[DianaWR]

I wear it for me.

[Genie Gee]

I wear perfume for my own pleasure. Once in awhile I will get brave & adventurous like I did a week ago when I tested civet paste by itself on the back of my hand.

I have learned from experience when I wear most Middle Eastern oils to apply a drop or two on my arm then go outside for a few minutes to let the desert heat expedite the drydown. It can take up to an hour for it to totally mellow out and blend with my chemistry which *could* offend others if I just apply and walk out. Middle Eastern oils can be quite strong, but they are so long lasting!

Italian fragrances also are long lasting on my skin.

My other half doesn't care what I wear either so I just let my mood in the morning determine my scent. Fragrance is my only vice.

[Perfumaniac]

Beauty and the Scientist — I think that's a great way to put it. It IS a bonus if others like it, but it shouldn't be a litmus test. (Although it's no fun to hear only puzzled and/or negative responses to what you're wearing.)

[Perfumaniac]

50_Roses: "The ideal for me is to use enough that I can smell it and enjoy it, but not so much that anyone else can easily notice it."

I try to do that, but I have a heavy hand, the perfume lover's equivalent of the chef who throws in too much butter and salt.

You say your husband is somewhat anosmic; can he smell what you're wearing even somewhat? That's got to be a mixed blessing...

[Perfumaniac]

DianaWR: Would you be tempted to spritz with a lighter hand or change fragrances if someone made a snarky remark?

[Perfumaniac]

Genie Gee: Civet PASTE? Wow. The real stuff? How did you get your hands on it? I would imagine it's pretty powerful stuff! I have a Givaudan synthetic and I've gotten used to smelling it, even up close in the bottle, but I've had people retch when I gave them a whiff. A little too realistic! Mandy Aftel let me take a sniff of vintage civet oil; that was much mellower and with floral facets...

I'm very curious about where you live, and what your sources of oils are. When you say, Middle Eastern oils, what are you referring to specifically?

Also, it must be nice to have a partner who's not too picky about what you're wearing. Thanks for stopping by!

[ChickenFreak]

I wear perfume pretty much entirely for me; I only consider others in that I try not to offend with too much. I would sometimes wear it for Himself, but he doesn't like any perfume much, so what I do for him is sometimes not wearing it.

However, even though I wear it for myself, I'm absolutely delighted at the occasional compliment. So apparently I crave approval even though I won't do anything to earn it. :)

[Ines]

I wear perfume for myself but I do take into account the environment where the sillage will be available for others to smell. So no MKK to work, or heady tuberoses and similar.
At home, I try everything and usually have to stop myself from putting too much on my arms. I never test a perfume by itself.
For some reason I got used to testing 2 perfumes simultaneously because it makes me appreciate the different notes better.
I don't know if anyone else does that though...

Thanks for the link to Man Repeller, I liked the little I browsed through the blog. :) I'll go and read more now.

[Anne]

It is so interesting that you wear perfumes at home that you don't love, but can admire and appreciate. That is s step that surely only a few perfume wearers will make. For most people, liking a perfume is the first and only criterion for acquiring it.

I wear perfume mostly for myself but I there are perfumes I wear exclusively at home when I'm alone. At the moment (and in the winter) this set includes rich, lush classics like Chanel No 5 extrait, Joy EDP, Arpege, Diva and Deneuve. For some reason I find I never wear these out. I can't say why. Maybe they signify too powder-puff glamour from another era, satin negligees and high-heeled slippers with fluffy pom-poms. (Well, not quite.) But maybe I have a deap-seated need to to wear 'intellectual' fragrances, like Chanel No 19, out of the house, and sex-kitten stuff like Arpege at home. Oh well, who cares. It's only perfume!

[Perfumaniac]

Hi Anne: I guess semantics are interesting here given your comment. The only way I can try perfume out — even in a store — is to put it on. So I suppose if I'm at home, trying Animale, for example (a perfume I detest), I'd say I've applied it rather than worn it. Yes, it's on me, but simply because putting it on skin is  the only way I feel I can get a real sense of it.

But if I love it and I'm out in public? I'm wearin' it.

As for your perfume-wearing habits, I think it's very charming that you wear the sexy mama stuff at home, and the chic, intellectual perfumes out. It makes sense! Some of those you love are like olfactory lingerie...

[Dante's Bra]

What a great question! I like it when people comment on my fragrance, but that's not why I wear it. And like others who've commented above, I try not to blast everyone with my sillage. But I like talking to people about what they're wearing, even if it's not something I'd wear myself.

I read and drink coffee for at least an hour in the morning to wake up, and that's when I do the same opium den thing you do: sniff, re-sniff, think, sniff again. The coffee probably affects my smell, but i'm relaxed enough to notice things I usually wouldn't. This is my nose education time, and I'm already noticing after a year and a half of exploring perfume that my tastes are expanding, and much more seems beautiful to me, especially chypres and white florals. I love how a classic chypre evolves on my skin through the day, and they evoke a strength and resilience and femininity that I just love.

I LOVE your blog, by the way, it's one of my favorites! I squealed when I found your review of Ysatis-- I think it's such an unsung treasure!

[Perfumaniac]

Hi Dante's Bra - Thanks for stopping by. (Your first time commenting, right? I'd recognize the name otherwise!)

Morning is one of the best times for me, too, especially with coffee. My brain needs to be in a heightened state and coffee helps with that! Late at night, as well...And I love chypres, too. To me, they project strength, beauty and elegance. (And as Anne suggested above - intelligence or an intellectual nature.)

So glad youre loving the blog! I write for people just like you. :-)

[brigitte]

This review was perfect timing for just yesterday my husband was in a heightened state of distress/anger because of the perfume I was wearing. He has really bad allergies and believe me, he lets me know it! When I was young, single and childless I could wear whatever I so desired and did so with quite a heavy hand. Now I have a spouse and children, as well as a co-worker who HATES perfume, so I really have to be quite mindful of what and how much I am wearing. For me perfumes have always been about memories and associations. Of my most beloved fragrances much of my admiration is not only because I adore the juice but, more importantly, the memories of individuals/times/places that are conjured up in my mind when wearing them. I have my collection of everyday/benign/non-offensive scents but I also have begun to collect some of my "memory scents" that I can dab on every once in a while (sparingly) to transport me to another place/time. I wish I could find a signature scent because I would love for my children to have that as a remembrance of me. But I am a perfume fanatic and love trying new (and old) fragrances that I have never worn before. So it is nearly impossible for me to be a one perfume woman!! Yet, since the age of 12 not one day has gone by when I am not wearing some sort of fragrance : that's over thirty years of daily usage!

[brigitte]

And, Barbara, I have to say that I was laughing hysterically as I read "loll about like an addict in an opium den". I, too, have become intoxicated upon many occasion and out of all the things that individuals can become addicted to (caffeine, alcohol, gambling, food,etc) my vice has always been perfume!

[Undina]

Probably I won't say anything new compared to what previous commenters have already said (as I was reading their replies I nodded more then a couple of times) but I just want to chime in.

I do all my initial testings - those where it's a new scent for me and I do not know how the perfume will play with my skin - at home. Not only for the others' sake but just to be in the right proximity to hot water and soap. Just in case.

To work or those public places where other people will be subjected to my choices without being able to escape I try to choose those of my favorite perfumes that I think are the least controversial if I want to _wear_ the perfume or apply the minimal amount to my wrist if I want to experience the scent only for myself.

For parties, going out, etc. I use those of my favorites that, in my opinion, are "crowd pleasers" because they are part of my outfit. I can say all I want that my special clothes, makeup and styled hair are all for me but it won't be completely true: yes, my opinion and how I feel is the most important but I still think of how others will perceive me. So I extend that approach to my perfume choices.

[50_Roses]

When I say my husband is somewhat anosmic, I mean that he can smell some of my perfumes better than others, and some he seems barely able to smell at all. He doesn't have a very discerning nose, either, at least with regard to perfume. Usually he'll just say that my perfume smells "nice". He wears fragrance himself, but mostly because I buy it for him and like to smell it on him (and he likes that I like it on him). It is a mixed blessing--I wish he could appreciate perfumes the way I do and share my interest, but then at least he doesn't hate perfume. Whenever he does comment on a perfume, I try to make a note of that fact, as that means it is one he can smell relatively well.

[Tamara*J]

Hello dearest~
Yes I wear perfume for me but I am always pleased to get noticed,complimented and admired for smelling good.
If I happen to wear something that my family doesn't care for or thinks is "Ugggh." ;)I am amused and curious -I don't get offended because I love what I smell like regardless.
Being confident in my scents means I can throw on the "big girl panties" ones and feel right at home.
I enjoy and revel in perfume, it is a pleasure to my senses and I seek that high every day, huffing my arms,cleavage and hair.
I also love that I've found a community like no other.
Generous,caring people who I call friends and we all smell wonderful!
I always love your reviews and question B! Thanks for that.<3

xoxo~T

[Olfacta]

I wear perfume for myself. But I try to be cognizant of others who may not love it quite so much, meaning, well, Everybody -- the Public. People in offices, or libraries, or restaurants or concerts. I'm lucky in that I work alone and do a lot of blending in my studio, which has a door I can close; I put different things in my diffuser according to my mood. So far no complaints!

I really revel in my collection while getting ready to go to sleep -- picking that night's scent, over-applying it gleefully. My husband, once in a while, will ask me not to wear something again, but I've learned that he shifts a lot -- I may wear it again a week later and he'll love it. So I agree sweetly and then go ahead and apply whatever I want. In general, he likes perfume and is getting pretty good at identifying notes, sometimes better than me!

[Perfumaniac]

Brigitte - Your comment made me think. Who is it I know who would tell me that my perfume was annoying them? My mother. A lot. But then if she loves something I'm wearing she'll be the first person to run out and get some. Also — 30 years of perfume wearing is no small thing. A true perfumaniac!

[Perfumaniac]

Undina - Proximity to hot water and soap is important when trying perfume. So true! There's nothing like spraying something on at the mall and being completely unable to get rid of it immediately. It's like suddenly putting on platform shoes and bell-bottom jeans and being unable to get out of them! As for wearing a crowd-pleasing scent, I can't remember the last time I wore something that was unanimously a crowd-pleaser...I'd love that!

[Perfumaniac]

Hi Tarama J. I need to get better about having a family member say, "Uggggh! What are you wearing?" Time for some big girl panties for me, too! Haha. And yes, it's nice to get high on perfume and have a great community around you who partake and understand! Thanks for stopping by.

[Perfumaniac]

Olfacta - I think, without knowing it, I have refrained from wearing perfume out too much because my tastes became less conventional and I too was aware of The Public. But now that I'm not in Berkeley (Ground Zero of Perfume-o-phobia), maybe I should pull out the weird stuff and wear it with abandon! Your nighttime ritual sounds familiar, and lovely that your husband is into it to the point hes identifying notes! So cute.

[Angela Cox]

I certainly wear it for myself. If it made my husband or daughter sick I'd wear it when they were out if I really loved it. I just fell in love with Burberry's "Society" a discontinued fragrance that I have a mini of . I found a 30ml bottle on eBay and asked my husband what he thought of this divine elixir "so, so" . So you can see why I wera them for myself.